Have you ever pulled the rope at arm’s length so as not to let the person go? To accept the unacceptable as long as this person is by your side? That feeling of pulling so hard, but the rope still slipping through our hands and hurting us. Then, the loss sows a void so great that you can do nothing but cry in a ball in your bed.
If we include all types of relationships, have you ever experienced this?
I have borderline personality disorder. It makes my relationships difficult and unstable. However, over time, I quickly found that this is an issue for most people. Even adults, many find themselves without real friendships or in toxic relationships.
The old proverb states “that we are better alone than in bad company”.
Humans need relationships with each other. But if the relationship is doing more harm than good, I think it needs to be thought twice. People who have a great fear of abandonment (myself included) tend to do everything to avoid it. It pushes us to accept words and behaviors that we wouldn’t normally accept. Sometimes we don’t want to let go because we tell ourselves it’s going to hurt us so badly. The truth is, for my part, it is more painful to stay in the long term. When a relationship breaks or ends, it sure brings distress and it is very painful to let go. But when you look at the situation from another perspective, as if you were looking at a timeline, the pain eventually subsides. We flourish more and we take more time for ourselves and for our own happiness.
I hope that when you see “red flags” and signs that don’t lie, you will have the strength to see the person again. I hope when you look at the horizon it will be sunny and not filled with thunderstorms. That when you wake up in the morning, the first person you think of will be you and not others.
Even if your self-esteem is low, even if you are going through hardships that you don’t want to go through on your own, don’t let yourself be trodden on. What could be better than walking near the shore alone! It’s much better than a backpack full of problems and negative feelings.
I hope you have the strength to let go when the rope tends to unravel.