I miss our life before

Okay, let’s tell each other; it’s not going well anymore. The rainbow has taken the edge, and these days it’s more of a thunderstorm and rain and cold gray weather that is taking the outdoors and our lives by storm. You’ll excuse me for my negativity, but today I don’t feel like pretending everything is fine. Because it is not true. I am starting to get really tired of this global pandemic. I miss our life before. But, I believe that expressing how it feels about all of this is a good way to let go of the negativity. So it’s time for a bit of “whining”. Come on, it’s going to be good.

I miss getting up without analyzing my whole body and wondering if the cat in my throat is due to doing too much karaoke on my own in my living room or because I caught the COVID. Then, then think about the people I could have infected in the last 10 days. Then, feel bad. Then panic.

I miss having opportunities for activities. Getting up in the morning, without a plan, and telling myself that I could go to a particular café to study, then go out to a particular bar in the evening, or invite this or that friend to just have fun with us.

I miss my family! I always used to go to my grandmother’s for dinner on Saturday or Sunday evenings. Well, it must have been since last March that I haven’t been there. I went to my parents every weekend too; I hardly go there anymore, and that makes me sad.

I miss the parties . Yes yes, I miss dancing, and singing loudly, and being with a lot of people who also like to do these things. I also miss the Halloween parties that we won’t have this year. Halloween which falls on an extra Saturday night, and which coincides with the university reading week and the time change. It would have been perfect. But, we must drop everything.

I miss college, the real one. The one where we physically go to classes, where we see our friends, where we procrastinate in gangs rather than alone at home. Where there are parties and events organized every day, where the possibilities for outings are almost endless. I even miss those classes on Friday mornings, 8:30 am, in which we arrive in deficit of sleep and the eyes a little all crooked, but the head full of memories and follies of the day before.

I miss people. Gatherings of people.

I miss feeling good. Because, we’re not going to hide it, everyone’s feeling a little weird these days. At the last confinement, we had the famous “it’s going to be fine”, the hope that the pandemic will end during the summer, and we strongly believed in it, that helped us to hold out. We said to ourselves that we were part of a great common project to save humanity. But today, during the second confinement, the light at the end of the tunnel, it is quite pale in my eyes. We do not know what will happen. We did not know when we will have a normal life, and if such a thing is still possible. We don’t know anymore.

Finally, I get bored. We can say what we want, staying at home is far from exciting. I’m lucky, I have roommates, so I’m not completely alone. But after listening to movies, reading books, playing Mario Kart for three hours, and taking bloody classes online, there isn’t much left to do except get bored. And with the cold weather looming over us, and the days that are getting shorter and shorter, boredom is felt even more.

I reflect on our life before, and I can’t help but be nostalgic. I look at photos of events with friends, between families, and it burns me a little inside. I want to go back to these photos.

We cannot go back. You can’t control the uncontrollable. On the other hand, even if the hope is sometimes quite thin, I continue to believe that by respecting the sanitary measures, and by taking care of ourselves as much as possible, we will get through it.

We need now more than ever the support of others, the love of each other, we need to smile, to see what is beautiful in this situation where everything seems ugly.

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