Well you have probably just read my title and you say to yourself: LOL we are still in the middle of it my beautiful. Both in Covid and quarantine. Yes ok, I know that. I am more than aware. The second wave hit me even harder than a Mike Tyson slap between the two eyes. And I imagine (I’m sure of it), that to you too.
No, but will it end up ending this pandemic? That I can finally resume the course of a normal life. Norma it. NOOOOOORMALE (!!!). STANDARD. I say it over and over in my little head, but normal after a global pandemic of this magnitude, what is it supposed to look like? The answer is: I have no idea. And I’m sure neither are you.
I have the impression that around me, all those I meet have spread the word and said to themselves: quickly, quickly, quickly, let’s make up for the time we are losing and: let’s have babies (!!!) . Let’s buy a house and make babies! Let’s drop out of school to find a stable job, and, LET’S MAKE BABIES. I collapse. Me all I accomplished during my forties is a new personal time record in the field: threading Doritos bag (!!!). And today, from the height of my little 21 year old (who to this day seems really more imposing to me), I wonder if I am still in the boat. In the train of life. In the herd what. I feel like I was there, partying carefree, with the rest of the world, and suddenly I was thrown off the yacht. Not even entitled to afarewell , not even entitled to a simple, a very small byebye . I have the feeling that I am no longer on the guest list and that nobody saw fit to tell me about it. Quite simply, I continue my life, I show myself here and there as usual, not knowing that everything has changed, while everything is different, EVERYTHING (!!!). I must not have understood the principle of quarantine. Me who thought it was to not catch the Covid , in fact, it was conspiracies to create babies. Contests of the one who has the most, arrived at deconfinement.
Seriously, did we skip a single year or forty? Am I in Back to the Future? I hibernated and am not aware? I spent (again) straight on my nap? My alarm clock has not sounded (yet)?
How is it that my friends now all have one or more children? Tell me, where are these babies from ?! Is there a community baby garden to donate? Because if so, I too will go get myself one (!!!). And that’s good because I need carrots. And small potatoes. More seriously, I am more than happy for all these relatives who are now starting a beautiful family. But I can’t help but freak out a little bit (a lot actually). Not with them, but with me, because I must have missed a nasty big chapter of the book of the year 2020. I missed the: 1,2,3 in GO we do a flo. I missed the green light. I passed a red one, or maybe even two. I did not understand the principle.
I feel like everything has been going so fast since the start of the first quarantine. Every day is new. And the next day, renewal. Everything changes. ALL (!!!). The rules, the laws, the standards. Friends, loves, the future. The possible, the impossible. And… BABIES. Sorry, but damn it. Maybe deep down, it’s because I would like that, too. But. There is a but. A big one even. My equation is missing a crucial variable: the boyfriend. And that’s not about to happen. Especially since I am still a child myself. A real baby. Who burps, who farts, who cries, who grumbles. Phew, in the end I wouldn’t want it. Not immediately. Why? Because I’m really, really not ready for this. Not even at this point in my life. But they were. And it is quite correct like that.
It’s just that recently I learned that there is probably a 3rd, 4th and maybe even 5th next wave of reconfinement being announced. I imagine it will become like announcing rain to the weather forecast. “ Today in the weather, there will be a few thunderstorms in sight, a clearing around noon, as well as a containment wave from 6 to 9 pm. Don’t forget your umbrella, your bag of crisps and most importantly: your TV series. “ I really put to roll. Literally. Will I end up with friends who have a Baseball team on their own? My saddlebag club is going to have Football tournaments , family against family, 5-6 young people per team? Worse me, I will be there, all alone. What am I going to do, distribute the water?
I have the impression that I did not understand the rules of the game. I find myself in a panic, because again, I didn’t listen to the instructions at the beginning. I might be exaggerating, but I really feel it that way. I feel a little crooked. I feel pretty bad. I am scared. Fear of having made a mistake somewhere. Afraid of being the only one to have fallen off this boat during this pandemic.