To go well, I listened to myself

I ‘ ve always been good in my comfort zone. A little routine, very simple. I liked to say that I was a leader.  An organized girl who liked to think, analyze and predict. A girl in control who did n’t need help, a girl who wanted to save the world. A girl who liked to take a lot on her shoulders, a girl who could not say no for fear of displeasing. A girl who needed to grow, to flourish through the eyes of others. A girl who liked to follow the rules, follow the recipe, follow the next chapter to the letter.

When I had my first child, this girl disappeared. My comfort zone has exploded. I had no manual , no instructions to read. I encountered a fragility, an insecurity. I had in my hands the most beautiful child in the world, my own daughter, my pride, my universe. But I was so scared. I wanted to be a perfect mother . I know we often hear this word, this fear. Perfection. I put so much pressure on myself, so much expectation of myself, so much judgment that I lost my footing, I fell, I felt myself disappear. I remember that day, I called my mom crying and telling her that I couldn’t do it, that I didn’t know what to do. I was juggling between school, m is constant pressure all do well and my newborn baby who needed all e my energy and presence, darling I love so much.

The truth is, it was n’t right, it wasn’t right and I could n’t . I collapsed , and I slept. D ormi a bo n end before getting up, put my hat and go for help. I arrived in front of a doctor’s office, a wonderful doctor, specializing in mental health, accompanied by a psychologist . He listened to me talk , cry and a good sniffle. He said: ” t u do d eyour best, you are here and you talk to me, you want to get better, it’s not nothing is it? “.

And there, I knew that I was going to learn to get better, to accept myself and build myself a fortress to welcome the biggest storms. I have lived with anxiety almost always. I always liked to be recognized by others, I always liked to build myself with the approval of others, I always needed to do more, to do better. I needed medication for two years after my daughter was born. At first I refused and I could not imagine having to this drug, m oi, the speaker e career, not able to give advice to her and take care of it. Finally, when I felt unable to take care of my daughter, by my anxiety which made me afraid of everything, I decided to take any means to get better. I did three years of consultation with two years of medication and what I can conclude is that anxiety is part of me.

However, now I know myself well in this sphere, I know how to recognize anxiety-provoking situations, I know how to say no, I know how to ignore the thoughts and opinions of other people, I take more care of myself. Talking about your mental health is difficult and it’s at your own pace, however, the advice I can give you, remember, you are never alone.

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